Tae Kwon Oh-No!

When we lived in Wisconsin and were trapped in our home for seven months straight because of snow, I desperately needed to come up with options to keep my hyperactive Full Speed entertained. On a whim when he was about 3 and a half, we signed him up for Tae Kwon Do. He excelled and all his instructors said the exact same thing. “Wow, Full Speed sure has a lot of energy.” They said it like it was a newsflash. Believe me; I was already well aware of his energy level.

Full Speed managed to move up two levels quickly and earned a purple belt shortly before we moved last November. Since we have lived here in Florida and so much has happened, we didn’t sign him up immediately. A few weeks ago I decided that I was ready to tackle the responsibility of adding this extra activity to our week and we signed him up. Mad Dog insisted we sign T.Puzzle up, too. I did not want to. T.Puzzle screamed and cried the first 15 minutes of his first class. I wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. All the other parents’ eyes were looking at the distraught little T.Puzzle and looking at us. It was clear they thought that Tae Kwon Do was a cruel and unusual punishment for T.Puzzle.

After a few sessions, T.Puzzle has hit his groove. Granted, his ‘yes sirs’ and punches and kicks are the most timid of the bunch. He does manage to follow a majority of the class and his instructor has loads of patience with him. He is actually doing well which I hate to admit because that would mean Mad Dog is right, again. Oh, the humanity!!!

This is where I have the problem. I am in charge of getting them to class on Wednesday evenings by myself. I have to pack up snacks, uniforms, diapers, drinks, progress reports, Full Speed’s equipment and their respective belts. Then I have to pick them up from school, take them to class, and get them dressed, seated by the mat in criss-cross applesauce formation and happy before their session begins. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a Tae Kwon Do uniform up close. There are many twists and ties and that’s not even mentioning tying their belt (the belt ties I complete always look misshapen and lopsided). Add to the fact that the changing room is tinier than a small bathroom with no air conditioning vent and that for some reason, small spaces bring out Full Speed’s hyperactive tendencies and increases his volume level exponentially. So, I’m sweating my ass off, Full Speed is bouncing off the walls and yelling and T.Puzzle keeps opening and closing the changing room door while pooping. It takes me a good forty-five minutes to get them ready when all is said and done. I asked Mad Dog if because of his insistence that they both attend Tae Kwon Do regularly, that during these solo trips to Tae Kwon Do that I have to do by myself, if he can sense the hate-filled thoughts that I send to him even though he is miles away still at work. He says he can’t but the glint of fear in his eyes when I ask this says otherwise.

I much prefer Saturday classes. I can get T.Puzzle and Full Speed dressed at home and if I’m really lucky, Mad Dog will take them and I can stay home. I say “Hi-Ya!” to that.