mommyhood, self-discovery

The Difference

Today I woke up with a huge sense of relief. I knew I would be taking Full Speed to school and that I would only have to entertain T.Puzzle for the day. I am looking forward to time alone with T.Puzzle.  I remember the days when it was only Full Speed and me at home. I had loads of time to find out what made him tick before the arrival of T.Puzzle.  And since I was a quiet, shy second child and my Mom said she didn’t know what I was thinking until my sister left for college, I am hopeful I can understand T.Puzzle a little bit more before Full Speed leaves the house for good.

The main difference between my boys is that T.Puzzle wears his heart on his sleeve and Full Speed more or less likes to tackle you instead of showing any sign of attachment or emotion. This has been difficult for my sensitive, social-worker sensibilities (try saying that three times fast!). Someone wise once told me it’s the people you understand the least that are here to teach you the greatest lessons. It took me a long time to realize that Full Speed was teaching me to speak my mind, be who I really am and make no apologies. Sure, it’s great to have a snuggly and sweet (when not in the throes of the terrible twos) T.Puzzle, but Full Speed grounds my life in excitement. Our regular conflicts keep me on my toes and forces me to use my brain in tactical response to his sometimes outrageous behavior. It takes a lot to outsmart a quick-minded four year old. Believe me, stay-at-home Moms relish any notion of using their brain power even if it’s in the name of defense.
my glorious Frack
So what if I don’t understand what it’s like to be highly opinionated? So what if aggressive tackling is not the first item on my morning to-do list? Who’s to say what’s right or what’s wrong? Maybe I could improve my own life circumstances if I stood up for myself a little more. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so invisible to the world sometimes if I took responsibility for myself and said what I was honestly thinking. Full Speed is fearless. Couldn’t we all use a little less fear and a lot more spunk? Spend some time with Full Speed and you could well be on your way.

1 thought on “The Difference”

  1. Isn’t it amazing…how we are all so different. I can see in my own mom when she is around one of my sisters or I, that she is quite a little different. I think in this case you will grow and develop with your boys as they grow older and you will change too of course and think how exciting that will be. Your boys are truly sensational as are you!

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