humor, mommyhood, parenting

Schizophrenia in the Parking Lot

If you give your child (T.Puzzle) an Elmo sippy cup against his will (as he clearly was in the mood for one with Lightning McQueen) is that considered child abuse or are you digging your own grave? Well, I guess after a ten minute screaming meltdown (on T.Puzzle’s part not mine to be clear), I had my answer. My hole was dug. It was dug deep.

Yesterday as I prepared for Tae Kwon Do, I approached it as how I could make the situation easier. I was all about streamlining. I consolidated everything we would need into one bag and had the boys snacks and drinks ready to go in the back of the truck. I was no longer going to bring food in to the gym because it’s not allowed and it was hard to make T.Puzzle understand to leave it in the diaper bag. Therefore, I was going to allow them a quick drink and snack on the way there and that was it (T.Puzzle didn’t particularly care for this new way of thinking).

I did my best to relieve my stress. After I had picked the boys up from school, I placed them in the car feeling hopeful this was going to be the easiest Tae Kwon Do class yet. I successfully get T.Puzzle strapped in and he is munching away on his snack. Full Speed is indignant because I strapped his brother in first. “Well, if you learn to strap yourself in on your own, you could be strapped in first EVERY day,” I try to make it sound as enticing as possible. He informs me he can only strap himself in when in Daddy’s car but it’s too hard in Mommy’s (of course!).

I get ready to strap Full Speed in and a look of panic fills his face.

“Mommy! I have to pee!” he blurts out.

I start to weigh my options. I already have T.Puzzle strapped in and it might take too much time to get him undone, “Could you hold it until we get to Tae Kwon Do?” I ask already sensing that we are reaching emergency status.

“No! I have to go NOW!” he looks like he is on the brink of a panic attack.

“Okay, okay. Let’s get you inside,” I say with an air of calm I did not feel.

This is where it gets tricky. All I wanted to do was get Full Speed to a toilet as soon as I could. The way the bathrooms are set up in his school, you have to get buzzed in and it can get kind of harried as the lobby is filled with kids and parents being it’s the end of the day. I make the split-second decision to grab Full Speed and run inside. I manage to kick the truck door shut and trigger the remote lock over my shoulder as I know I have to leave T.Puzzle behind. I do this all while running at a breakneck pace across a busy parking lot carrying a thirty-eight pound Full Speed. Yeah, it’s all in a day’s work.

I manage to get Full Speed buzzed in and tell him I have to run out and make sure T.Puzzle  is okay. I’m imagining that T.Puzzle is upset at being left alone and sweating to death because even at four o’clock, it is 92 degrees and in the truck it is even hotter. So I frantically run as fast as humanly possible, pop open the door only to find him contentedly ingesting his snack. He looks up and says “Hi, Mommy!” I determine it’s probably in everyone’s best interest to keep him where he is and then lock him back in and run back to find Full Speed. I realize I must appear slightly schizo to the parents who are milling about. I am running (sweating my heart out) back and forth like a crazy person trying to meet the needs of my boys and keep them happy and safe. Schizophrenia in the parking lot, …. I wonder what tomorrow will bring?


PS- I have to give a shout-out to Mad Dog, he surprised us and met us at Tae Kwon Do, so it was the easiest class yet. I thank you and appreciate you!

1 thought on “Schizophrenia in the Parking Lot”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s