Real Men Eat Spicy Chicken

It starts out innocent enough, even quite promising if I’m going to go out on a limb. Mad Dog was home early and it made it possible for us to go out to dinner as a family. On the weekends you have to make sure to go early for optimal success with the boys.

We thought we would try the new Caribbean restaurant in our neighborhood. Obviously we were aware that a new, ethnic cuisine could get dicey with the boys. We figured if the restaurant planned to stay afloat in these difficult economic times (and tucked away in a neighborhood) it would HAVE to have a children’s menu. No such luck so, we improvise (that’s like 98% of parenthood anyway).

Mad Dog and I determine the safest bet for the boys are a tortilla-type appetizer filled with rice and beans. The owner also gives them a sample of some fresh-from-the-oven flatbread. When they arrive at our table, they don’t look especially appetizing but are actually quite tasty. Yeah, try convincing a five year old or a two year old of that. I do my best, upbeat coaching speech. “Why these are yummy, yummy ‘crackers’. Try them, they are very grown-up (that usually at least peaks Full Speed’s interest) and super-good!”

They’re smart little suckers and don’t buy it. We coax and cajole them so at least they get a few bites in their stomachs. They actually were good sports but we knew they weren’t eating enough.

Mad Dog and my entrees arrive. They were good, full of delicious spices and textures and wholly unappealing to the young men at our table. Mad Dog did convince Full Speed to try some of his jerk chicken. Full Speed took a tentative bite. He must have felt confident it wasn’t too spicy because he bravely asked for another bite. Before he finishes chewing, he leaps from the table and urgently announces, “I have to POOP!” Mad Dog grabs Full Speed’s Gatorade (to help with his burning mouth) and rushes him to the bathroom. The whole while poor Full Speed’s body is rigid with fright and his cheeks are a burning red.

In the bathroom, Mad Dog later reported, Full Speed hops on the potty while Mad Dog gives him liquids (Mad Dog likened it to being a trainer for a boxer in the ring). Full Speed realizes he doesn’t have to go. We figured his body went into a sort of shock from the spices and he didn’t know what was happening; he deduced it must need to poop.

When we knew he was fully recovered we laughed and laughed. Full Speed informed us that this place was ‘okay for snacks but let’s never have dinner here, again.’

We took the boys to Sonic afterwards. It would have been so much easier if we had gone there in the first place, but where’s the adventure in that?

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