children, parenting

The Christening

I was reading a book in my room trying to wind down so I could take a nap while T.Puzzle was taking his. Full Speed and Mad Dog were downstairs watching football and occasionally sword fighting.

I was almost finished with the book when I began to hear T.Puzzle’s bedroom door swinging open and shut. I only half paid attention figuring I would get through my last ten pages and then get up to investigate. Mad Dog beat me to it. I hear him cross the floor to T.Puzzle’s  room and then he says, “I think we have a big mess here.”

I get up and I see that T.Puzzle is pantless. He isn’t even wearing his pull-up. And then there’s the smell. The awful smell that floats over me and alerts me that whatever happened in his room was dire.

Mad Dog and I divide and conquer. Mad Dog tackles the clean-up of the bed and room and I grab T.Puzzle and head to the nearest tub. As I am examining him, my horror grows. What appears to be only a small mess of poop seems to expand before my eyes. It starts in the rear, goes down his legs into his socks and creeps all the way up to the middle of his back. I grab some wipes and start cleaning up what I can see on him the best I can. I reach over and start the tub water. Mad Dog comes in and grabs the lysol wipes from under the bathroom sink. Not a good sign.

T.Puzzle thinks this is all hilarious and he’s psyched because he thinks his nap is over. “I wake up,” he repeats gleefully over and over. Glee is the last thing Mad Dog and I are experiencing.

What we can deduce is that T.Puzzle knew he needed to poop, had started to fill his pants, got uncomfortable and took his pants and pull-up completely off. Then he must have found a comfortable spot on the end of his bed to squat and finish his business. Surprisingly, there were two positives. The first being that his bed has officially been christened. All children’s beds, cribs, whatever must go through this rite of passage. At least we had gotten this out of the way. The second is that the mattress protector we purchased was worth it’s weight in gold. The mattress was free of any of the poop fall-out (pardon my pun). Mad Dog and I were relieved about that.

After the bed was stripped and T.Puzzle was scrubbed from end to toes, I harshly admonished him for making such a mess and sent him off to Full Speed’s bed to finish his nap. No way was I going to reward his crazy, pooping behavior with a skipping of his nap.

He was sound asleep in less than ten minutes. Apparently, inappropriate pooping is exhausting.

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