Double-Crossed

I was feeling smug. I had Full Speed’s completed homework ready, the extra wipes needed at school for T.Puzzle and I was ahead of schedule. It felt good to be back in control after being heavily medicated for so long. The boys were in their shoes and jackets and I said, “Head to the truck, guys!”

Wouldn’t you know it? I couldn’t find my keys. I looked in all the usual spaces and places and found nothing but anxiety. I picked up my pace because the minutes were ticking and I had to get the boys to school. The faster I scurried, the more distraught little T.Puzzle became because he couldn’t keep up with me. He starts yelling in protest and keeps shouting, “Mommy, where are you!?!” over and over. This does not help my anxious state. All my smugness is tossed out the window. I’m starting to feel like I’m never going to gain mastery over my life.

I go back to the starting point of my search and look in the box in the cupboard I usually keep the keys. Turns out, they were there all along just kind of shoved over to one side. I’m relieved but chastise myself endlessly for adding so many needless minutes to our morning.

I finally get the boys shoved in the truck and buckled. I’m about to shut the door on T.Puzzle’s side and climb in the driver’s seat.  He looks and me and says, “Mommy, I have to go poopy!” Since he’s never said that to me in his life I figure I had to seize the moment.

“Full Speed, undo your buckle, we are heading inside so T.Puzzle can go potty!” I command.

“Mom, that’s going to take FOREVER.” Tell me something I don’t know, kid.

With much effort, we tumble back inside with haphazard abandon. I rush T.Puzzle to the potty, plop him on down and…, he looks up at me, smiles and proceeds to do absolutely nothing.

“All done, Mommy,” he says before he even attempts to do a darn, tooting thing on that potty. I chastise myself again for being a sucker this time.

When we FINALLY have Full Speed at school, I use the ride home to encourage T.Puzzle to go on the potty. “If you poop on the potty Mommy will give you a cookie.”

“I not hungry, Mommy,” he replies.

Double-crossed again.