I am having many mixed feelings about Full Speed’s sixth birthday today. I am excited for him and happy his remarkable growth and change are being marked in such a celebratory way. The challenge is not having my Mom here to help me celebrate or to share in all the wonderful milestones Full Speed has achieved in the past year.
It was hard enough that she wasn’t here to offer support and guidance when he started kindergarten. Now, with each passing year, Full Speed is growing into who he is meant to be and she won’t be able to see it. I wish she could because this kid is only getting better with age.
As the distance grows from the last point in which my Mom was in my life, it is ever more shocking to my system that she really isn’t coming back.
I’d also like to apologize to Mad Dog for my extra crazy, unpredictible moods as of late. I am in the last stages of processing my Mom’s absence and while I will never fully let her go, I will move forward in a more even-handed manner. I promise.
All I can do is my absolute best. I will celebrate the good times in my present and honor the sadness as it floats up from my past.
I am grateful for the time that I had with my Mom. I believe the joy I have managed to create in my own little corner of the world is possible through her choices and example. I watched and I learned. I made some different choices of my own. Most importantly, I was loved.