children, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting

I Salute You!

I have vague recollections of a morning routine in which my only major concern was how much cream cheese to put on my bagel.  I could get ready leisurely and quiet would pervade all the corners of my space.  That feels like a lifetime ago. 

Here is a run-down of what a morning looks like for me now.  I am going to only describe what happened today with the understanding that most of my mornings unfold in a similar fashion.

It was Uniform Fun Day at Full Speed’s school.  I laid out two jerseys from which he could choose.  He comes downstairs wearing one over the other.  I think our regular 85-90 degree daily temps would have discouraged this and made a singular choice obvious.  Full Speed apparently did not.  

Once one jersey is removed, we move on to breakfast.  There was much debate.  Today’s focus was if  T.Puzzle had intentionally kicked Full Speed in the face last night or if it was accidental.  Then, T.Puzzle and I go round and round about what he should take for show-and-tell.  He immensely dislikes any of my suggestions and is convinced that I have hidden the one and only toy he wants to take.  For the record, I did not.  Eventually we found this missing toy.  My patience?  Still missing.

I ask Full Speed to go to the closet by the stairs and grab a roll of paper towels for the kitchen.  He returns with a roll of toilet paper.  In the time it takes me to explain in great detail where the paper towels should be and he finally returns with a paper towel roll in hand, it takes three times as long as if I had went ahead and did it myself.   Time saved?  Zero.   The bonus is that since I had already lost my patience, I couldn’t lose any more of it.

Then it’s time to help T.Puzzle floss his teeth.  First he hides under the computer desk, then he hides the flosser in his sock.  At least his foot is completely plaque-free.  While I am attempting to help maintain T.Puzzle’s dental hygiene, Full Speed adds to the mix.  He appears to fake pee on his brother and while I give him the death stare, he insists he was only fake shooting him.  Perfect.  Fake shooting is so much better. 

Eventually, even though there were more mishaps, we went successfully on our way to school.  The boys entertained themselves by loudly having a beatbox showdown in the backseat.   It was noisy, it was raucous and I was thankful their schools are only five minutes away.

Moms experience more adventure in the first hour of their morning than most people will experience in a whole, entire day. 

I raise my fake gun and shoot deep into the sky for all the Moms of the world.

I salute you!

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