grief, loss of parent, mommyhood

Mom

Grandma and Grandpa with Full Speed, T.Puzzle and all the gang (minus Baby D who would join the world in three months) at Disney World December of 2008.

My ‘vacation’ is officially over and a semi-quiet has settled over my house. It is in this quietude that I can reflect back on all the fun and a little bit of the sad. It has been well over a year since my Mom’s passing and I can honestly say that the grief process has gotten better. In my everyday life I’m adjusting more and more to her absence, but when big or interesting events like this recent vacation pop up, the sting of her loss still gets me.

Mad Dog and I were married at Disney World in December of 2003. Since that time we have made several trips back there and up until her death, my Mom was always with us. This last trip without her had a lot of great moments but also had some moments we wished my Mom could be with us. Our kids only slightly picked up on our random bouts of sadness or so I thought. As my sister and her family were leaving for home yesterday, we got very emotional as we said goodbye. There was no dialogue about missing our Mom, but the emotion exchanged in the air between us was palpable.

Once my sister’s family was gone and I was left with the boys and my sad thoughts, Full Speed looks at me and says, “I miss Grandma.”

“I miss her, too and so does Aunt Skee. That’s why we seemed sad today.”

“Mom, don’t be sad. Aunt Skee has her kids to keep her happy and you have me and little T.Puzzle to keep you happy.”

My heart was warmed by his perceptive compassion but I couldn’t help but wish my Mom was right there in that moment to see it.

Miss you, Mom.

children, grief, loss of parent, mommyhood

It Wasn’t All Sad

I made a pact with myself. Yes, Mother’s Day would be sad, and yes, I would do my best to enjoy it despite the sadness. It sort of worked. I went for a run in the morning. I’m not a huge fan of running but I am a huge fan of occasional solitude. The best part of my run is when it is over and I’m walking towards home to cool-down.

As I open the door to the house, I hear the shower going. Mad Dog was showering the boys before our Mother’s Day outing. He was doing it without help. I know he is perfectly capable but I went upstairs to investigate.

Here’s what I found:

Apparently while Mad Dog was finishing up in the shower, the suspects decided to proceed with their normal bathing routine unassisted. They know enough that once they are clean that Mom slathers them up with lotion before they get dressed. So, Little T.Puzzle got a hold of the body lotion and as you can tell, the rest is mess-covered history.

These shenanigans helped cheer me tremendously. These amazing Mother’s Day gifts from my the boys helped, too.

This was my second Mother’s Day without my Mom and in a lot of ways it was painful and in some ways it wasn’t so bad. My life must go on because I am a mother, too. My boys are depending on me and I sure am lucky to have them.

grief, loss of parent, self-discovery

Mother’s Day

I’m not too keen on celebrating Mother’s Day this year since I no longer have a mother. To counteract my sad little funk I thought I would share a couple of fun pics of my Mom.

This first photo is of her enjoying our last, big family trip to Disney World. The background is dark because we were in the tunnels of ‘It’s a Small World’. She’s smiling because my boys were so into it and because she was happy. Happy to have so many loved ones in one place.

The second is a fun photo of her by a Ben and Jerry’s sign. Ice cream, hot dogs and baseball were possibly the only things she loved almost as much as her family. You could always keep her happy with a turtle sundae or a cone filled with butter pecan.

So, today is Mother’s Day. If you are a Mom I celebrate you for doing one of the hardest jobs in the world. If you still have a Mom, give her a call, a card or a present of thanks. Enjoy your day!