children, family, humor, kids, motherhood, parenting


I was lulled into a false sense of security.  I believed my boys would sustain normal, public behavior at length.  Ha!  I had a total of three errands to run with them before Full Speed’s flag football game.  Not ideal to do so much at once, but sometimes, that’s just how the cards fall.  The first errand went beautifully. Glasses were adjusted and manners were used.  At the next stop, that’s when it began to go off the rails.

It started with Full Speed cracking a joke.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love jokes.  I love humor.  It makes life bearable and often times, really, really fun.  We were at a sporting goods store when he picked up a tiny, flowery pink pair of baby girl sport-sandals and said, “Mom, I think these would be a great gift for Dad for his birthday.”  I chuckled and joined in.  We were there to purchase some Under Armour for T.Puzzle.  I picked up a neon-pink, leopard-printed pair of pants and said, “Hey, T.Puzzle, these are perfect for football.”  This was my fatal mistake.  They took Mom cracking a joke to mean that they could run wild.

First, it started with wrestling which then turned into a heated foot race which then led to them picking up teeny, tiny lavender one-pound weights and declaring, “These are the heaviest weights ever!”, as they pumped them furiously up and down.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry so I did a little of both.  The sales kid, oh, how he judged me!  By this time he was helping us size shoes and the boys were continuing their spectacular display of silliness.  I said, “Makes you want to have lots of kids, doesn’t it?”

Not wanting to lose the sale, the sales kid said nothing and sheepishly smiled.

When we returned to the car I had to give the boys my ‘you-better-hold-it-together-at-the-pediatrician’s-or-you-will-regret-it-dearly’ speech.  It worked.  We got through Full Speed’s ten-year wellness check virtually unscathed.

When do I get to run errands and not have to make threatening speeches?  Does it ever happen?  Or, will I always have to scare these boys straight?

Guess I better go back to the store and get some teeny, tiny lavender one-pound weights to build up my endurance because clearly, I am not there yet.

ry=400-14 ry=400-15

mommyhood, tantrums, terrible threes

Au Revoir

We have made it safely back to Florida and now are staying a couple nights oceanside. I could listen to the sound of the waves every day, all day. The boys actually handled the nine hours in the car like champs. You can tell that it tired them out (thankfully!).

This is the dilemma I am having. If your partner senses you are at the end of your rope with your youngest child and magnanimously steps in to take over (thank you, Mad Dog!), what happens when he, too, has reached his limit? Do you then pass the child over to a third party, or do you simply lock him away until he decides to shape up? Do I have any takers? Anyone?

In my house the terrible twos start at about the age of 15 months and last well into the fourth year of life. Little T.Puzzle is following heartily in his big brother’s footsteps by meticulously adhering to this unfortunate behavioral timeline. His favorite phrases are “I NOT!” and “NO! NO! NO!” I’m concerned that his language development will be impeded by his serious overuse of the word ‘no’. How will he ever expand his vocabulary if he does not use he mouth and tongue muscles to ever form the ‘Y’ sound as in ‘yes, ma’am’ or ‘yes, my Mommy, you are so pretty, my Mommy’ (or something like that)?

The great thing about so many consecutive days together as a family is that Mad Dog can see what I’m really up against day after day. Oh, sure, he sees glimpses of it on the weekends, but to have to deal with little T.Puzzle in all his defiant glory 24/7 is a whole other ballgame. Mad Dog initially was very patient with T.Puzzle’s mood swings. He would even offer to sit by him at restaurants to give me a break. Eventually, Mad Dog couldn’t take it. I could tell he was reaching his breaking point as T.Puzzle said ‘No!’ for the 337th time in a twenty minute period and I stepped in to calm the situation.

That’s when it struck me. If both parents reach their absolute limit, where do you go from there?

My guess is boarding school.

Au revoir, little T.Puzzle. Au revoir.

children, parenting

Did That Just Happen?

Mad Dog was home early to kick-off our weekend. He and I picked up the boys and after a slightly heated debate, landed on going to a Japanese hibachi restaurant. I like Japanese food and am thrilled that we don’t have to worry about egg cross-contamination for little T.Puzzle anymore. However, I’m not a big fan of flames shooting near my face (or the faces of my children for that matter), I don’t like having to catch food with my mouth (if you’ve done hibachi, you know exactly what I mean) and when I’m with my boys, I don’t enjoy the communal seating arrangement. My boys are too unpredictable to be seated at a table around a huge, scorching hot grill with strangers who may not understand that their boisterous nature is not malicious, it just is.

Case in point, we are seated with a family of three who had one boy. He appeared older and more calm than my boys. Even so, the parents didn’t flinch once as Full Speed launched his hotwheels at my plate and little T.Puzzle repeatedly stabbed Mad Dog with his fork (turned out that was his signal that he would like more chicken, please). But before we even got into the heart of the hibachi experience, a young couple was seated at our table. It took them less than two minutes to assess my children and they promptly asked to be relocated.

I was slightly indignant. Granted, the boys were in all their glory, but they calmed down nicely once their food arrived. I didn’t know going into the meal that they would be so well-behaved so I don’t have solid grounds for my indignation.

Still, did that just happen?