children, family, kids, motherhood

Everything Changes

Some journeys are lengthy and take time to unfold.  Last year, around mid-February, Mad Dog shared with me that his job could change.  This change would mean we would relocate to Texas.  Mostly, I handled this possibility with an open mind (mostly).  I expressed to Mad Dog that I was absolutely willing to move our family to support him in his career.

Done deal.

Then, some weeks passed, then some months.  Months turned into a year and yet, a move did not materialize.

While I was open-minded to moving, I handled the uncertainty surrounding it with much less aplomb.

Eventually, I gave up.  I stopped looking at houses, stopped discussing a Texan future and focused on staying put.

I have learned enough to know that home is not a location.  Home is about the life, love and adventure you create wherever you are.  

Naturally, once I let go of the outcome, this is when we finally found out that Mad Dog was promoted and everything changes.

We both agree it is surreal to finally have closure.  After well over a year of not-knowing, not-knowing becomes your comfort zone.  Knowing feels strange.

Now we know.

Texas here we come!

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Both boys are hoping since ‘everything is bigger in Texas’ they will immediately grow several inches taller.  We all have dreams, right?

 

children, gratitude, happiness, life in pictures, marriage, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting, self-discovery, self-image/self-acceptance

Yes and No

My gut reaction is always ‘no’.  I do not like to be spontaneous.  I like plans and think that sticking to them prevents meltdowns and unnecessary drama.  This is my weak attempt at controlling life.  Do routines and plans give me comfort?  Yes.  Do these routines and plans always work out how I want them to? No.

Part of evolving as a woman and a parent you have to look at yourself and try to make some changes.  You have to look at all parts of the whole.  Some of these parts are not so great.  How do you know when you’ve found a not so great part?  When you examine it you feel uncomfortable in the pit of your stomach.  That uneasy feeling is your signal you’ve hit pay dirt.

My hidden issue is control.  Growing up I learned to endure an often challenging environment by becoming an impossible perfectionist.  Spontaneity doesn’t really jive with this.

So, why did I marry someone like Mad Dog?  He is at heart a spur-of-the-moment kind of guy.

I married him because somewhere deep down I knew my cookie-cutter ways needed to be challenged.

Yesterday when we were on our way to the outlet mall to buy Full Speed some long pants Mad Dog said, “Let’s see if we can find you a dress and take the boys to a nice dinner.”

Oh, well let me tell you every part of my being screamed ‘no!’.  I was in exercise gear, no make-up and hair disastrously unwashed (I was wearing a baseball cap no less!).  I tried to imagine finding a flattering dress, trying it on, having it actually fit all the while keeping my boys from wreaking insane havoc on the store and its patrons.  I started to sweat, my heart rate increased and my anxiety shot through the roof.

But, I didn’t say no.

I made the conscious effort to know this is my first instinct, and while it has been my coping mechanism in the past, my life is such that I don’t need ‘no’ as a crutch in the same way.

Okay, there was one point when I was agonizing over the size and color of the dress and T.Puzzle and Full Speed were running boisterous laps that I was about ready to throw my hands up in defeat.  Instead I pushed through.  I found a dress, we grabbed some nice shirts for Mad Dog and the boys and went and had a fancy ocean side dinner.

Change is good.  In fact, it’s ocean breeze-awsome scallops-good wine-great company fantastic.