Tag: funny

humor, motherhood

Age-Less(?)

WFAM

At a recent dance/cardio class, a woman I was conversing with could not believe that I had kids that were fourteen and twelve.  She was under the impression I was in my twenties so when I started talking about Full Speed approaching his first year of high school, she almost fell over.

I normally dance in the front row of class and she is always anchored towards the back.  It was an easy mistake but also flattering.

IMG_2633
That’s me front and center dancing up a storm wearing Cubbie blue of course.

I should have kept this story to myself.

You know T.Puzzle, he likes to keep things ‘real’.

He quickly put me in my place and in no uncertain terms shared that the absolute youngest I could pass for was forty-three.

I’m forty-four.

Oh well.

It’s not just T.Puzzle that keeps me in check.  I have a minor obsession with birds and flowers.  To my delight, I have this magazine app that has several back-issues of Birds and Blooms.  It makes my heart happy to peruse the colorful photos and imagine being face-to-face with these adorable, fluttery beings immersed in a sea of flowers.

My struggle comes in the form of this particular magazine’s ads.  Hearing aids, orthopedic shoes and various bladder control products are the major themes.

At least I’m still dancing…

1589e047e044149581e969a483605672

 

humor, motherhood

When Left to Their Own Devices…

WFAM

T.Puzzle needed me to sign a paper in his folder.  I use the word ‘folder’ loosely here.  While my occupations as a stay-at-home-mom and writer/dreamer/blogger have their busy work, I often have very little need for folders.  Therefore, when I saw T.Puzzle’s ‘folder’, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was seeing:

Apparently he ‘stores’ it at the bottom of his backpack.

This may be where all paper-based products go to die.

Speaking of dying, this segues nicely into our little family weekend adventure.  I have to preface this by saying that of my three boys, Mad Dog normally requires the least amount of supervision.  I may have to change this policy to preserve his safety.

On Friday, Mad Dog had a routine root canal.  He seemed to have the pain mostly managed and overall, had everything ‘under control’.

Shortly after when he took the allotted four ibupofren to manage pain, he realized he accidentally ingested four of his antibiotic pills instead.

He should have taken 300mgs, but decided to go all out with 1200mgs.

To save you time, here is what Google said:

1200mgs is the very top of what a doctor would prescribe and only in a dire, life-threatening bacterial infection kind of way.  It said nothing about ingesting the 1200mgs as a way to threaten your own life in a general, absent-minded way.

IMG_5118
Taking too many antibiotics?

Thankfully, Mad Dog made it safely through the night.  Unfortunately, he nows move to the top of the list as being the most supervised of my three boys.

 

 

 

children, family, humor, motherhood

Hot Stuff

WFAM

There’s something about a margarita that makes an ordinary weekend feel like a vacation.  As the thick air enveloped the patio of my favorite Mexican restaurant, I savored the tang of salt that lined my delicious cocktail.  I was hanging with my three favorite guys and munching on chips and salsa…life was good.

Mad Dog raised his glass to meet mine.  He looked to our boys and asked, “What should we toast to your Mom?”

T.Puzzle jumped right in, “Make a toast to the greatest human alive….me.”

Mad Dog said, “This is supposed to be about your Mom, not you.”

T.Puzzle replied, “Well, I guess we can pretend you are the greatest human alive if that would make you feel good, Mom.”

More tequila please.

No matter, I laughed out loud.  This was even before the margarita had worked its way into my system.

The meal and conversation progressed beautifully.  I ate all the things I don’t normally allow myself to and it was divine.  I asked Mad Dog his thoughts on his spicy jalapeño drink and he said it was good.  It had been garnished with a pepper that had remained free and clear of the drink itself.  This is when Full Speed boldly declared that he would give eating the garnish a shot.

We warned him but also applauded his bravery.

Things quickly went south.

His face drained of all color.  He was losing control ever so slightly.  It started out slow and then reached max capacity.

I did the only natural thing a mother would do after imbibing on a way-too-strong drink.

I giggled.

I had the worst (best?) giggle fit of my life.  The more Full Speed looked like he might expire lent to another torrent of giggles.

At that moment I knew I really was the greatest human alive, but maybe not the greatest mom alive.

Still, this picture…worth a thousand words!

IMG_3760
Full Speed made a complete recovery.  Thankfully he had the strength to play Xbox later that afternoon.🙌🏻
children, family, humor, motherhood

Flights of Fancy

WFAM

Recently, an unusual phenomenon occurred in our family.  I had two trips planned essentially back-to-back.  One was a solo trip meeting a friend at a yoga retreat (amazing!), and the other was an awesome work event for Mad Dog (also amazing!).  I was gone for four nights, home for two, then gone again for five nights.  I think the boys actually missed me.  I know I missed them.

That first morning when I was home for good, I was so happy to sit at the breakfast table with my guys.  I got to catch up on all I missed and hear about their time with Grandma and Grandpa (thank you!).  I, in turn, shared some of the cool things I got to see at the Arizona Biltmore and talk about the people I got to meet.  I talked about how fun it was to meet the spouses of Mad Dog’s work team.  I had so many people pull me aside to tell me how awesome Mad Dog is.  They told me how as a leader he requires a lot from them, but he is fair and always has their best interest at heart.  I was blown away by some of the ways he has positively impacted people.  As I shared this with the boys I said that not only were people pulling me aside to tell me how awesome Mad Dog is, they started telling me how awesome I am, too.

This completely perplexed T.Puzzle.

“Why?” he demanded to know.

And, just like that, I crashed back to earth.

It’s good to be home….I think.

Chicago Cubs, children, family, humor, kids, motherhood

So Long, Farewell! Part Two

WFAM

The Super Bowl is over so football is over. This means baseball is almost here!

Woo-hoo!

I was sharing my baseball glee with the boys over dinner.

“Guess what?  Spring training games begin FEBRUARY 25TH!!!  Aren’t you both excited?”

T.Puzzle looked crestfallen at his impending loss of tv viewing control.  Full Speed was more diplomatic.  He graciously updated me on the recent team acquisitions and trades.  He turns to T.Puzzle, “Are you ready to never watch one of your shows until baseball is over?”

T.Puzzle replied (with shoulders slumped defeatedly no less), “How many games are in a season?”

I don’t know why he was being so dramatic, it’s ONLY 162 (not counting post-season, fingers crossed!).

“Guys, remember I said that I will be open to letting you watch an occasional show if it is really important to you.  If we can’t come to a compromise, you are always welcome to go upstairs and watch your show there (there’s a nifty loft space with a tv where they play video games so trust me, they are not being banished to a dark place of doom).”

T.Puzzle says, “But Full Speed will never want to watch a show, he will always want to watch baseball and I know I can’t watch certain shows without him.”  Again, his tone was absolutely pitiful.

I could almost read verbatim the words in Full Speed’s thought bubble that were forming over his head.  Yes, he loves his mom and enjoys baseball up to a certain point, BUT, some days he’s fine to watch something else.  However, he was very scared to voice this last part so as not to hurt my feelings (very sweet).  As I relayed my theory about what he was thinking, his body relaxed visibly in the knowledge he didn’t have to tell his (famous) World Series Champion mother, that he may not want to watch baseball every single day of his life.

“Seriously, Full Speed.  It’s fine.  I understand there are going to be days you won’t want to watch a game with me.  It doesn’t even matter that whoever does watch the game with me will get a bigger inheritance.  There’s no pressure.”

Full Speed’s face cracks into a giant grin.

#PayForYourOwnCollege

#GoCubs

#WSchampion

img_0257