humor, motherhood


Full Speed and I were out for a stroll.  The sun was shining, the birds were singing and life was good.  We had already sufficiently dissected the latest Cubs news and the topic of conversation switched over to Full Speed’s possible future family.  When this topic arises I try very hard to be normal.  If you know me at all, normal is a huge stretch.  By normal I mean non-reactive.  I don’t ever want him to feel he needs to get married and have kids.  If it happens great, but if not, that’s fine by me, too.  So, there I was being cool and calm.  He then noted that I may be what might be considered a lenient (?) grandmother.  I feigned shock.  How could he surmise such an idea I asked?  Well, it has something to do with how I treat my dog.  Apparently I ‘baby’ him?  This is shocking to me!!  I merely treat him in a way that all pet owners should treat their animals.  I simply set the bar high in this regard.

This is a totally acceptable outfit for a dog.

Full Speed then went on to share an imagined scenario of me interacting with his future child.

Future Awesome Grandchild: “Grandma, I accidentally murdered your next door neighbor.”

Future Awesome Me:  “Oh, that’s okay little Sunshine.  I know you didn’t mean it and I didn’t really like them any way (not true, I have some great neighbors for the record).”

Full Speed did this whole bit in a sing-songy way implying that I may be the Snow White of all Future Grandmothers.

All I can say is that if Grandmotherhood is in the cards for me, I’m gonna crush it.

children, gratitude, happiness, marital blissishness

Welcome Back!

p9243341Grandma and Grandpa joined us for some Buckeye football. Well, it was more like Grandpa came for the football and Grandma came to spend time with the boys (I don’t blame her one bit!).

They brought chili in a crock-pot that Grandpa had made (spicy and good) and I willingly attempted to watch the game (I think I lasted a solid five minutes of actual game time) with Grandpa and Mad Dog.

The boys were invited to play with their cousin at a nearby park. Grandma jumped at the chance to escape football and enjoy the gorgeous day. This quickly evolved into an invite for them to spend the night at Grandma and Grandpa’s.

This is the Holy Grail of parenthood; willing Grandparents who offer to take your children OVERNIGHT and who seem to genuinely enjoy the company of your children. I suppose in small doses, Full Speed and T.Puzzle are quite charming and endearing. Of course with this charm and endearment comes equal parts impulsivity and hyperactivity (like T.Puzzle biting a little girl at Grandma and Grandpa’s church day care; in a church of all things, where were the boy’s scruples??!!!).

Mad Dog and I were in heaven. I drank wine; Mad Dog ran to Publix and got me some cake (it’s vanilla and is essentially a glorified Twinkie) and some Haagen Dazs ice cream. We had an ‘Entourage’ marathon upstairs in the loft and slept in really, really late the next morning. This was all followed by Mad Dog making breakfast (he does a pretty mean scrambled egg) complemented with mimosas. After the breakfast dishes were cleared and cleaned (by Mad Dog, he deserves the recognition), we took the remainder of our mimosas, sat out on the lanai and read in peaceful silence.

I had forgotten that such a thing as peaceful silence exists. I suppose you have to lose something to truly recognize its absence and appreciate its return. Welcome back peace and quiet, oh, how we’ve missed you!