children, humor, kids, mommyhood, motherhood, parenting, tantrums

When to Fold Up

We had the best intentions.  It was a family dinner to kick off our weekend.  As we sat at the restaurant, things went south quickly.

T.Puzzle was extra whiny and was having difficulty behaving (to put it mildly).  Soon he dropped his entire cheese covered burger on the floor and choked down his broccoli as if the broccoli itself was trying to kill him.

Mad Dog and I quickly lost patience.

We wrapped things up in haste and headed home.

“When do the terrible fours end?” asked Mad Dog.

“You said it yourself, age five was the true turning point for Full Speed.  We still have a year to go with T.Puzzle,” I replied.

And that folks, is why we only have two children. 

Granted, a third one may have actually been laid-back.

I’m just not the gambling kind.

children, mommyhood

The Cheesed Omelet

I had this brilliant idea. Full Speed didn’t have his regular VPK (voluntary pre-kindergarten) curriculum this week so I thought I would take him and T.Puzzle out for breakfast. We met my friend and her two, adorable daughters at IHOP. Sounds simple and uneventful, right?

First the chaos started when the boys played wild variation after wild variation of hotwheels games. But you know what? That’s normal. That’s just part of the process of taking my boys out for a dining experience. It’s a guarantee they increase a dining establishment’s energy level by about 100% and they will bring hotwheels. What got rough was the fact that it took close to FORTY minutes to get our food. Apparently they had to drive to the chicken farm that was miles away to get the eggs to make our pancakes. So as our wait time stretched on, everyone’s patience wore thin.

When we finally get our food (finally!!), I revel in the few moments of peace this will give me. Both boys were decidedly consumed with their breakfasts and therefore steadfastly quiet. That part of breakfast was lovely (it didn’t last).

Soon, Full Speed ate his breakfast quickly and asked for more eggs. The moms at the table quickly problem-solved his request by giving him some cheesy omelet from little Miss Cutie’s plate.

Well, you would have thought I was trying to torture him. He couldn’t believe cheese was touching his eggs and refused to eat it. Then, he proceeds for the next several moments to give me the stink-eye because he is so furious with me for giving him cheesy covered eggs. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I do have to admit, the stink-eye was pretty funny.

When it was time to depart, Full Speed was still very mad and not behaving well as we attempted our exit. He tried to tackle his brother who instantly became his partner in crime and we started to get ‘the looks’ from the surrounding IHOP patrons. ‘The looks’ consist of not-so-subtle stares that show wonder that I would take my animal-like children in public and relief that they are not me. The situation only worsened as I paid for our breakfast. I had to place Full Speed in a chair to keep him from attacking little T.Puzzle. He then whines dramatically over and over that he is ‘sorry!’ While these theatrics are in full swing, T.Puzzle manages to grab a plastic container of toothpicks, breaks it open and litters the cash register and floor with them. And guess what? More of ‘the looks’ from a new sub-set of IHOP patrons seated close to the register. I gathered up the toothpicks and what little dignity I had left, took my boys and got the heck out of there.

The next time I voluntarily decide to take both my children to breakfast, someone please stop me.