children, family, motherhood

Three Weeks

This summer has me so overwhelmed with change that I feel like part of me has shut down to cope.  I am operating more in logic and less in feeling.

The feelings will have to come later.

Before we knew we were moving to a new state, we signed Full Speed up for a three-week academic class held on a college campus.  Even then, while I was thrilled for him to have this unique opportunity, I was not particularly happy about him being away for three weeks. Throw some travel and our family changing addresses into the mix and I am surprised I am still standing.

The most unsettling part of this process with Full Speed was how extremely collegiate it all felt.  We had to make sure he had linens and towels.  He also needed shower shoes and a caddy for supplies to be used in the dorm showers.

Mad Dog and Full Speed unpacking and organizing his dorm closet.

Once we arrived at his dorm, it continued to take on a surreal quality.  A feeling of yes, he is only thirteen, and yes, he will return home, but also a feeling of what our future without Full Speed may look like.

It’s not great, folks.  Not great at all.

The positive is we obviously love our kid and should be grateful that we are missing him.

It would be rather telling if we broke out the bubbly and celebrated his departure with a joyful clink of glasses.  There was no toasting.  Only a sinking sensation that Full Speed is well on his way to carving out his own life.

I cannot tell you the willpower it took to not cry when we left him at his dorm.  I held it together.  I don’t know how, but I did.


My goal is to stay focused on the present moment and be mindful of what will feel supportive to him in terms of how much I communicate with him.

Unfortunately, him live-streaming his day to my phone is not an option.

Weird, I know.

Instead, I sense he is consumed by new routines, meeting new people and mastering the intensive curriculum ahead.

Texting his mom should not be a priority.

I get it.

I don’t have to like it, but I get it.

I have always known that my children have never really been mine.  The most ‘ownership’ I can claim over them has maybe been the nine months I carried them.  Once they arrived in the world it has been my one of my greatest honors to walk along beside them as I do my best to let them go.

Now, more so than ever before, it is time for Full Speed to walk ahead alone.

I love you, Full Speed.  I am so proud to be your mom.

May this opportunity open your eyes to the infinite possibilities of life.

And remember, I am only a phone call away.

Three weeks.

You’ve got this.

Me, too💕



For the record, I can neither confirm or deny if T.Puzzle is missing Full Speed.

Ok, I lied.

I can confirm he totally does though he would never say it out loud.

And, I thank my lucky stars to have this one-on-one time with him.

He is a funny dude and makes me laugh … a lot.

children, mommyhood

The Screening

All was going great. Little T.Puzzle had been dropped off and Full Speed had been amply prepped for this morning’s scheduled kindergarten screening. I talked it up big time. We were going to have an adventure going to his new school, meeting one of his possible teachers and answering questions about how smart he was. Full Speed thought it all sounded ‘cool’.

No sooner had I sat down to complete some paperwork and his screening was complete. The teacher said he did a wonderful job and he was beaming.


Then, as I took him to his summer camp he excitedly explained the screening process to his camp counselors. They were happy to listen but also a little sad at how much Full Speed  has grown-up and that he will be leaving them to start kindergarten in two weeks.

Their sadness was too much.

Full Speed looks at them, then looks at me and bursts into tears. This is extremely out of character for my little go-getter. Me and a counselor took him into the hall and calmed him down. He shook it off quickly and headed back to his classroom for his snack.

But the real question remains, who is going to calm ME down as Full Speed’s kindergarten start date approaches??

children, mommyhood


I’m having another one of those days where the world is moving too fast.  Full Speed started his summer camp and will have his first ever soccer game this evening. As for little T.Puzzle, he moved up to a ‘big boy’ class and he wasn’t too pleased.

I am all for my boys growing and maturing, I am just not a huge fan of change. I think part of it is that my boys like routine and anything out of the ordinary can cause a lot of extra stress.

Who am I kidding? I also like routine and anything out of the ordinary causes ME lots of stress. Have you met my kids (or read this blog)? Do you know what I’m up against on a GOOD day?

You change things around and the whole house of cards is about ready to tumble.

children, mommyhood

I Know Full Speed!

I had a meeting at the boys’ school. I wanted to find out about their summer camp program. The employee I met with was new to the facility. He asked me what my children’s names were.

“I know Full Speed,” he said. He went on to explain that part of his training is to spend time in various classrooms and while he didn’t know many of the students yet, he definitely remembered big .

I thought it was a good thing to have a memorable child but wasn’t entirely sure. I sat back and listened as to why Full Speed stood out so much. He said that Full Speed was always ready with the answer to whatever the teacher asked. So much in fact, that his teacher was getting frustrated that he wasn’t allowing the other kids to have a chance to answer. I guess that means he would be awesome on ‘Jeopardy’. The employee also shared that Full Speed was full of funny faces and noises (hopefully appropriate and not of the bodily function persuasion) and he was more than happy to chat away with this guy he just met. I sensed the man was fully impressed with Full Speed’s extroverted style.

At the end of the meeting, I had to smile. It was nice to have a someone validate what I already know about Full Speed. He is one remarkable little dude.