I am so frustrated right now. In fact I was so frustrated a few moments ago that I used a word in front of Full Speed that I rarely do. And I used it repeatedly. No, no, it’s not what you’re thinking. I used ‘stupid’. Of course whatever word you were thinking probably would have captured my emotion better. However, I manage to keep the verbal environment somewhat clean when I am in the presence of my kids. Not that I don’t have the occasional slip-up here and there.
I had the day to myself as the boys were in school and I cranked on all my errands and household duties. I was non-stop from the moment my feet hit the floor this morning. I even made dinner. During that process I remembered why I hate making dinner so much. It isn’t the making per say. It is the going to the store so you have the stuff to actually make the dinner, the bringing of the groceries in the house, the putting them away and then preparing the actual meal. Even if you accomplish all that, when it’s all said and done, you have a crap-load (another one of my don’t-use-in-front-of-the-kids-words) of dishes and a dirty, grimy kitchen to boot. Why would anyone in their right mind want to make dinner? Especially if you have to take care of children in addition to all that nonsense. Stupid, right? You can see where I’m going with this.
So, even though I had ‘me-time’ today, I wasn’t looking forward to picking up the boys from school. I felt kind of bad that I was dragging my feet in such a major way. As soon as I brought them to my parked truck it immediately clicked why I didn’t want to.
T.Puzzle is so terribly two right now that anything and everything is a huge production and a battle of the wills. You throw Full Speed’s intensity into the mix shouting things like, “If you keep acting like that T.Puzzle (meaning crying and screaming) then I WON’T INVITE YOU TO MY BIRTHDAY!” Surprisingly this does nothing to help T.Puzzle’s mood. It becomes even worse than when his tantrum started.
I get them in the door of our house and someone needs to poop, another is dying for some ice water and they both are ravenous. T.Puzzle keeps crying about puzzles because the pieces aren’t fitting right and Full Speed is shouting and jumping attempting to air-kick (that means kicking the air space surrounding your brother, not your actual brother) T.Puzzle which is making T.Puzzle explode into torrents of tears.
This vibe carries on through most of dinner. There was a slight reprieve when Mad Dog came home at 5:30 (it felt like Christmas!) and we went for a family bike ride. Once we headed into the nighttime routine it got really ugly all over again.
T.Puzzle was throwing a level 10 and nothing I could do could talk him down. Of course he needed water (which was downstairs) and Full Speed needed eye drops and his protective eye shield (which were downstairs also). I was so frustrated by T.Puzzle’s behavior and that everything of use to me was downstairs because of course we were on our second floor, that I dropped a couple angry ‘stupid thises’ and ‘stupid thats’. Full Speed looked confused by my tirade and he said “I’m not throwing a tantrum right now, Mommy.” He was trying to be a good ambassador and calm his Mom down. This is quite typical for Full Speed. And it still didn’t matter that at least one of the boys was behaving. I looked him dead in the eye and said in all seriousness, “Let’s give it ten minutes and see where we are at.” Okay, okay, I realize that I didn’t have to throw Full Speed into T.Puzzle’s crazy, tantrum category. I was so fed-up with feeling like a servant instead of an independent, thought-filled adult that I couldn’t take it anymore.
I completely understand that tantrums and servitude are a huge part of motherhood and normally I suck it up, take a deep breath and move past it. Motherhood is beyond challenging and this is balanced usually by cute, sweet, random moments that you share with your kids. However, if all you are getting is attitude it can feel pretty frustrating.
I know I will get through this stage with T.Puzzle I do not like it, I don’t want to do it and it makes me want to scream and cry. At least I’m in good company.