inspiration, motherhood, Writing

To Love, Always

“There is a famous question that shows up, it seems, in every single self-help book ever written: What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

But I’ve always seen it differently. I think the fiercest question of all is this one: What would you do even if you knew that you might very well fail?”

–Liz Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

There are only two things I would do no matter how many times I fail.

Writing is the first.

Loving others is the second.

There are times I despaired when my essays were rejected or the doors of opportunity jolted shut, but I always returned to my notebook.

As for loving others, this has proven a bit more complicated. Throughout my life I have spent so much energy mitigating the love in my heart so that I might blend in, but, much to my amazement my heart lives life on its own terms.

My heart believes that each of us are intrinsically good, and when when we cover over this “goodness” it’s because somewhere along the way, we believed something untruthful about ourselves. In whatever form rejection came to us, we believed the lie that enveloped it. We mistakenly thought we weren’t enough as-we-are and in order to have love, we needed to change ourselves. We cannot blame the messengers of these lies. They, too, were lied to about their own value and worth and like us, believed they weren’t enough as-they-are.

Therefore to offer compassion and forgiveness to another, no matter how much they have hurt us, is essentially offering this same love and compassion to ourselves.

We all have traits and characteristics we wish we could change. We all have ways we could improve, but the only thing we ever need to do, is return ourselves, our views, our opinions, and our perspectives, and bring them all back to love.

Never, ever stop loving.

inspiration, motherhood

Maple Syrup Mountain

Somehow, after years of trudging my way through the trenches of motherhood, I have reached the ultimate pinnacle of triumph.  T.Puzzle and Full Speed make me breakfast once a week!  And not a sad, soggy, partially frozen waffle sort of deal, but a glorious, made-from-scratch, giant golden, fills-your-whole-plate kind of waffle situation.

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To be fair, they learned from the best.

Mad Dog used to frequently make us homemade waffles on the weekend.  Then, life got way too busy until everything came to a quarantined halt.  He took this pause in time to resurrect this beloved tradition and managed to teach the boys how to do it from start to finish. T.Puzzle runs point and Full Speed is the technical support (readies supplies, melts butter, perfectly times the bacon preparation).  Whatever they are doing is working.  The waffles turn out amazing and then the whole house smells delicious for hours afterwards.  

And then,…they clean it all up afterwards!  Sure, there are times that the waffle iron gets left on and the batter mix floats over my kitchen in an apocalyptic-sized cloud, but I’ll take it.

Now that I am at the summit of motherhood freedom, I’m sure T.Puzzle will tell you it’s a swift dive downhill for me into creaking old age.  And this may be so, but while I’m here taking in this fabulous view, I plan to party like a rock star and eat as many waffles as humanly possible.

inspiration, motherhood

I Remember You

IMG_0999My phone was switched to silent.  As I clacked away at my computer, I happened to glance in its direction right when a call came in.

I answered immediately and heard the phrase every moms dreads:

“Hello, this is the Clinic….”

Turns out, T.Puzzle had chills, a fever and a headache.

I grabbed my keys and was out the door.

Normally, in this situation, my life freezes in place.  Any plans are immediately tossed aside.

This is no longer true.

Even though T.Puzzle came home early AND missed the next day of school, I attended my creative writing class (held at night), did yoga and went to a hair appointment.

It was as if I was a real human being living an actual life.

If you are a mom and feel complete overwhelm at the loss of your freedom, I am here to tell you it does return.

Until then, be kind to yourself and please, ask for help.

I haven’t forgotten that you were a person before you had children.

Do your best to hold on to her.

She’s worth the wait.

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