Fake Out

Full Speed demonstrates a 'real' hit.

The thing about threats is that you have to follow through with them.  I mean you don’t have to follow through.  You could threaten away until you are blue in the face and the only result would be children who don’t take you seriously.

Seriously?  That would be bad.

I told T.Puzzle and Full Speed I would take them out to dinner only with good reports from school.  They both succeeded.  I was golden.  My clean kitchen would remain intact and I would get something to eat I didn’t have to prepare.

Yet…

Full Speed decided to fake hit me at some point because I made him mad.  Yeah, that’s his new thing.  Fake hitting Mommy.

This is when I imagine fake locking him in his room until he’s eighteen or stops fake hitting me.

Instead I said he blew it.  Even though both boys earned the privilege of dinner out, the privilege was now officially off the table.

When all was said and done, I tried to fake clean my kitchen after the dinner I had to prepare against my will.

Too bad that didn’t work either.

Sticky Situation

Tae Kwon Do for two over-active boys is absolutely the perfect sport. It’s all about structure, discipline and respect (my personal fave). As much as I struggle getting them to regular classes, the pay-off has been bigger than my frustration. To hear my kids say, ‘yes ma’am’ and ‘yes sir’ is a crowning achievement of my motherhood experience. Some days, it’s all I got.

However, I am not a big proponent of introducing Kung Fu weapons to three and five year old boys (especially my three and five year old boys). I have resisted pressure from their school to purchase the latest weapon for their upcoming graduation. It is called a bow staff and honestly, to me, it looks like a glorified stick. I don’t mind them being exposed to the ‘coolness’ of martial arts weaponry while at school (but still, you should see a herd of little students with glorified sticks, just plain frightening); I just don’t want the weapons in my home in any way, shape or form.

I expressed my concerns to the instructor. My boys are loose cannons, they are too young and they wear high-powered very specialized glasses just to name a few. He said he understood but in their particular curriculum they constantly introduce new weapons to keep kids interested. I understand the desire to keep things exciting because once you hit school-age, you have access to whole new range of sports and may choose those over Tae Kwon Do. Still, it is not enough to convince me to purchase the bow staffs. At least not anytime soon.

The instructor suggested that the boys only use the weapons at school. Then, maybe I could put them in a closet on a high shelf or keep them safely locked in my truck otherwise.

As he said to me an image that flashed in my head. I could see Full Speed stealing my keys and driving away bow staff and all.

I am still unconvinced.

NoBunny’s Fault but My Own

Sometimes because my boys don’t have the sharpest vision, they’ll imagine they see things and I go along with it. They might imagine seeing a plane in the sky or an animal that isn’t there. That’s why whenever we drive a certain stretch of highway and little T.Puzzle says he sees ‘bunnies!’ when there are clearly none, I don’t get too concerned.

I had a lightbulb moment today. As we were taking a different route from our norm to my allergy shots, T.Puzzle looks out the window, sees a ‘Holiday Inn’ and shouts ‘bunnies!” I quickly made the connection that the other area of highway he thinks he sees bunnies has a ‘Holiday Inn’ as well.

This particular ‘Holiday Inn’ that he saw today was one a few months back I had off-handedly told Full Speed that the Easter Bunny resided. I was having one of those days where he was fixating on anything and everything and couldn’t let a darn thing go. He kept asking me all sorts of impossible and endless questions about the Easter Bunny. We happened to be right next to the ‘Holiday Inn’ and that’s when I said the Easter Bunny lived there. It worked. He curiosity was satisfied and I had some hard-won silence in my truck. I thought that was the end of it.

Now I realize that with this particular untruth (that sounds so much better than saying outright lie), I have dug myself a hole much like a bunny would.

I’m wondering if there are any rooms available next to the Easter Bunny. I really need a vacation.

Good Luck, Mad Dog

This is how it went down….,

Me: “I’m frustrated because you didn’t listen to me.”

Mad Dog: “How was I supposed to know what you wanted? You didn’t tell me.”

This is the problem, I did tell him. He just doesn’t remember. I have no proof because I don’t tape record our conversations (which I am seriously considering). He thinks it’s all my fault. I’d try to say otherwise but I doubt he’d listen anyway. And the cherry on my sundae is that HE wants me to apologize to HIM.

Good luck with that, Mad Dog. Good luck.

Pet Problem

I would give just about anything to have my dog back. I’m sure it would be a relief to Grandma and Grandpa who are so generously housing her. While T.Puzzle’s allergy to her is unfortunate, I hope that someday and some way she will come back to my house and my family.

At breakfast over syrupy waffles, Full Speed had what he thought was a lightbulb moment.

“Mom, T.Puzzle’s not allergic to cats! Let’s get a cat for a pet!”

“Well, sweetie, I’m allergic to cats so that wouldn’t work,” I say.

“Oh.”

I have clearly taken the wind from his sails. His shoulders slump and he looks defeated.

Then, another lightbulb moment. Full Speed’s face lights up as he thinks his has solved our pet problem.

“How about a horse? We can get it when he’s little and then set him free when he gets too big. Are you and T.Puzzle allergic to horses?”

No, but I’m allergic to requests and questions for which I have no answer.