dogs, humor, motherhood

Love is All Around

I love Love.

I really, really do.

I love it so much in fact (Star Wars spoiler alert), I still held out hope Kylo Ren and Rey would get married at the end of the Rise of Skywalker.

#ReyloEverAfter

Love shows up in all forms.  That’s what makes it so incredibly awesome.  Snuggling with a favorite pet, having lunch with a best friend, even sunshine breaking through the clouds on a rainy day all feel like love to me.

Whether you love Love or not, you may agree there is value in expressing how we feel to those we care about.  I make it a point, and happily so, to tell my boys how much I love them on a regular basis.  Being that they are teenagers, as you might imagine, this goes over like gangbusters.

“Full Speed, Full Speed, Full Speed!” I said.  I love to say his name several times in a row because it bothers him.  This is how I know he will pay attention to what I have to say next because, really mom … stop.  Just. Stop.

“Full Speed, Full Speed, Full Speed!  I love you so much!  I really do!  I love everything about you.”

I held my breath in anticipation for what was sure to be an articulate and wondrous response:

“Okay?”

Well, not exactly the enthusiasm I was looking for so I move on to my next target son.

“T.Puzzle!  I love you so much!  You know what I love the most about you?

(wait for it … )

Everything!”

T.Puzzle heard me, took a moment to process and, as he backed slowly out of the room said, “Well that just warms my heart.”

Yep!  That’s it.  That’s all I get.

I am so ready for Google translation to figure out dogspeak.

I know Max wouldn’t let me down.

#TrueLove

#FurEver

#IAlsoLovePuns

#MadDogIsAHottie

#HappyValentinesDay

#YouRock

#YesIMeanYOU

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humor, motherhood

Zen Training

I plopped down next to Full Speed to help him sort and fold some laundry.  Every once in awhile I like to help the boys with an occasional assigned chore.  My hope is that it teaches them to help others without being asked.

“What is your plan for me to come get you for the dentist tomorrow?” I said.

“What time is it?” said Full Speed.

This is where time seemed to slow down.  I felt myself leaving my body, hovering over the scene as anger arose from within me.

“I know you are not asking me what time your appointment is.  The one that I told you about and ask that you develop a plan for when I should come get you.  The one that I sent you a text message with the details and reminded you to figure out when I should come get you.  I am trying really hard to not sound annoyed right now, but I realize I am not doing a very good job.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute! You know you have to tell me things at least four times before I actually remember them,” said Full Speed (for the record I did, probably more).

It seems I could tell each and every one of the men I live with about appointments a thousand times and it would not be enough.

Eventually, with some mindful breathing, I accepted the situation as it was.  I also calmed my mood by realizing that I won’t always have to be in charge of my boys’ appointments.  At some point, they will need to figure that stuff out on their own.  My guess is, especially in the realm their future dental care, scurvy could be a real possibility for them…

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Later that night, I was writing out an early dismissal note for Full Speed.

“What period will you be leaving?” I said.

“I’ll leave after seventh period,” Full Speed said.

As T.Puzzle sauntered in the room, he caught a snippet of the conversation.

“Why is Full Speed leaving early?” said T.Puzzle.

“For your dentist appointment,” I said.

“Wait. When is that again?” said T.Puzzle.

I would write more but for the safety of my children, I have relocated to a monastery to begin my zen training in earnest.

I have no other option.

 

 

 

 

 

 

happiness, humor, motherhood

How Do You Know? You Don’t.

We were at T.Puzzle’s thirteen year wellness check.  He was sailing through, crushing milestones and checking all the boxes landing him in healthy ranges for almost everything (screen time average was the only number in question).

The nurse turned to me and said, “Any concerns?”

“No. Unless you have a magic formula for getting a thirteen year old boy to articulate his thoughts,” I said.

The nurse could empathize.  She experienced a similar phenomenon with her now seventeen year old son.  Every question she asked him was met with an, “I don’t know.”

“I don’t know.  I don’t know.  I don’t know.”

How is it possible that once boys reach the age of thirteen they don’t know anything?  Where does all their knowledge go?  How do they make it through the day not knowing anything?

As we waited in the exam room for the doctor to appear, I decided to investigate this communication/knowledge block.

“So, T.Puzzle.  Do you talk to your friends at school?” I said.

“Yes.”

“What do you talk about?” I said.

“Stuff.”

Wow. I could sense I was really getting somewhere.  I continued my sure-be-successful line of questioning:

“What else do you talk about?”

“Sometimes, we talk about things.”

Oh, the stuff and sometimes the things.  It all makes sense to me now.

“Why are you able to talk to them but not me?”

“Because they don’t ask me questions,” he said.

I didn’t know how to respond to that.  Oh no!  It’s happening.

I don’t know.

I really, truly don’t.

 

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dogs, motherhood

Justice Has Been Served

Like me, you may have mixed emotions about being called up for jury duty.  It may not be the happiest way to spend your day, but you can’t deny it is a privilege to be part of the justice system.   Yet, as I was packed in a room with a thousand other people who seemed to not really want to be there, I started to pay extra close attention to the information video describing exemptions from service.

Are you under 18 years of age?

Shoot.  Definitely not me.  In fact, my boys are laughing so hard after reading that, it’s best to move on.

Are you not a citizen of the United States?

Born and raised.  Next, please.

Do you live outside of county lines?

Darn it.  Smack dab in the middle.

Do you have kids 12 and under that require your supervision?

Please don’t bring attention to the fact that I AM A MOM OF TEENAGERS.  Onward.

Do you have a family member whose care is dependent on you and this care would suffer if you had to serve as a jury member?

Wait. What?

Does six rounds of daily eye meds and a desperate need to be near me at all hours of the day count?

Maybe?

They technically never stated the family member had to be human…

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If the tie fits…

In case you were wondering, I was dismissed from duty by 11am.  Next time, I’ll be ready though, just in case.

 

 

 

 

 

 

motherhood

Subterfuge

I love that teenage boys think parents have no idea on how to beat the system.

T.Puzzle was in a world of hurt.  He did not like what was served for dinner (trust us, no one in our house found this shocking) and he tried to slyly dump its remainders from his bowl.  Mad Dog called him out but Lil’ T.P. took it even further.  He lied about it.  Said he had finished everything.

Um. No.

He was almost sent straight to bed.  Instead, Mad Dog determined the best course of action was to let him stay up but he would allow T.Puzzle zero snacks.  While zero snacks does not seem that extreme, to a growing boy who barely touched his dinner, this felt rather catastrophic (which is kind of the point if we are being honest).

The boys went back to their game room.  It is set in the furthest reach of our home, tucked away but still a few steps from the kitchen.

Always the kitchen with these guys!  In and out, snacks upon snacks.  I sometimes marvel they both haven’t turned into potato chips by the sheer volume of snack foods they consume.

So, when Full Speed comes meandering into the kitchen, he decides for the first time in ages he is going to have Oatmeal Squares.  While this seems like a normal, teenagery snack, and it is, it also happens to be one of T.Puzzle’s regular favorites.

“You’re planning to give your brother some aren’t you?” said Mad Dog.

“Maybe.” said Full Speed.

Boy, you can’t beat the system when your Mom and Dad invented the system.

I dedicate this post to all the siblings out there fighting parental oppression.  It is real and causes so many problems like learning, growing and developing into normal, human adults.

Fight on, my friends.

Fight on!

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T.Puzzle doing his best to ‘tower’ over me.  Nice try!